Yeah I know I haven’t write in here for a long time, I have been really busy, I have just had a lot of stuff going on in my life the past few months between school, work, or the lack of work, I just wanted to get a lot off my chest and out of my mind. I have been working my neighbor Art doing some tree trimming and other yard maintenance.  I know its doesn’t sound like the most glamour job, but its working to pay the bills and I am learning a few things.  I am about to go out and start doing some side work, I have all the tools I need, a chainsaw, hedge trimmers, loppers, a rake and a shovel.

But anyways, this had been an absolutely fabulous fucking weekend, I got stood up AGAIN! This is turning into a weekly thing for me, what the hell is up with that?  The story behind that is there has been this girl Nikki I meet on Yahoo and I have been talking to online and on the phone for the past 2 or 3 weeks, so Friday night we were talking to on the phone planning a date, figured we were going to go to Iguana Mias have dinner and a drink then come back here and watch a movie, so I told her I needed to go get a shower and get changed then I would call her back when I was ready so when I was ready and dressed I called her, and no answer, so I waited about 15 minutes thinking she might have still been in the shower I called her back and left a message then in another hour I called her back and still no answer so I left another message asking were she was and if we were still going out that night  but never hear anything back. I have had so many dating problems in the past few months, and this kind of shit almost makes me want to give up dating, or my attempt to date.

Well last week, or actually two weeks ago Lita and I went to Busch Gardens Howl-o-scream, and we had a great time.  We went through almost all the haunted houses there, except for one of them, anyways it was rated as one of the least scary houses, so probably no big lose. The lines where horrendous there, we waited for at least an hour to go through one of the houses, but it was worth the wait once we got to the house. All-in-all I had a really good time, the drive up there was nice, Lita and I talked about a lot of stuff and got to know each other more, and we stopped and had a good dinner and a glass of wine at Olive Garden. 

All of you "Life of Tony" blog readers who remember Brandy, well she is no more now, we are not even talking at all. We had a major fall out last week. It’s a really complicated story where I was stupid on my end as well. What triggered the whole thing is that her and a few of her friends went to Orlando last week to go to some of the clubs up there. So when she got home and we talked I was asking her about it and if she had a good time, and she naturally said she did, so further into the conversation when she was telling me about it she mentioned sleeping with some guy, so I asked if she meant sleeping, or sleeping as in having sex. She said it was only sleeping as in sleeping with him. We got into a little bit of a argument about it, mainly cause it was so hard to get it out of her, I didn’t mind that she slept with him, but that she was being so secretive about it with me. Hell at once we where best friends that could talk about almost anything to.  Which that lead to more ageing and some not so nice words where exchanged between us, then she decided she didn’t want to talk to me anymore, never again. I have tired to message her just to talk but she still didn’t want to talk, I even IMed her tonight when she got home from Busch Gardens asking her how that was but all she said to me was "Tony, don’t you remember, I'm no talking to you anymore" then signed out.  I am finally starting to realize that might be for the best, she wasn’t all that "great", yeah she was nice at sometimes, but we didn’t have anything in common, didn’t like the same foods, or music, she didn’t like any sports, and she complained about everything that she didn’t like, not just like my little pity whining, but she actually complained, didn’t think anything was her fault and that she was always right about everything, all brandy is, is a spoiled brat who dubs herself "princess".  From this point on I am never going to data another girl that dubs her self-princess cause I have don’t that before with Molly.  But hey, don’t get me wrong; molly actually was a good woman for me at the time when things were going well.

Just to those who don’t know much or anything about Molly let me just give you a brief history on the two of us.  I meet her when I first moved down her to Florida, I actually meet her online few weeks before I moved and we got along great, we talked every night and agreed when I get down here we were going to meet and see if we meshed well together.  So the 2nd night when I got down here we met at Hustlers pool hall. We were both kind of shy with each other, just cause it was the first time meeting her and for her meeting me.  But as the game went on we talked some more and started to warm up to each other, so the first date was very successful ;)  We went on a few more dates later on until we diced to start call ourselves a couple. She got to meet my dad when we first came down her, and I even got his approval on this one, which was a first, mainly because of my last girlfriend before that Kit, which will be covered later on in this entree.  Anyway getting back to the story, she meet my sister Amy and brother in law Nick, and my nephew Ian and Dylan.  My whole family loved her, her and Amy became friends; she even got to baby-sit for the boys if I had to work that day or night. When I moved into my first apt. She was there with me on my first night in the new pad, and helped me drink my house-warming gift, a bottle of Bacardi Rum. As the time went along we were doing everything together, going out almost every night, going to either her place or coming over here to watch a movie, went fishing, smoked pot, got drunk a lot too, and went to Islands of Adventure in Orlando, just a good time. After about 7 months of us dating I wanted to take the next step in our relationship and I asked her to move in with me if I got a bigger apt. she was more then happy to come live with me. About a month later the apt. I am in right now opened up after Tom got kicked out and I jumped right onto it.  So I moved all my stuff over here and was ready for Molly to move in with me, I knew it wasn’t going to be an immediate thing, we were going to ease into it. But about that time is when things started to turn south for us, that was about the time she started to hang around Daisy and Anthony, and Harry, a few Puerto Ricans that she meet while working at Hollywood video, I didn’t mind her hanging out with them at all until she started to cancel on me a lot to hang out with them. I just bit my toung and got over it, ten Anthony started to visit her at work a lot, bringing her flowers, taking her out, moving in on her. The one thing that busted the bubble and made all hell break lose was one night I was helping her out at Hollywood video, I was sorting out movies with one of her co-working, I cant even remember her name now, but she called her over and told her not to talk to me cause she thought that I was attracted to her, which she was a very cute girl and she was flirting with me, nothing serious but just playful flirting with no harm intended. So anyways he comes in with a bushel of flowers for her and when the little bastard gave her the flowers he gave her a kiss, and that was it! I walked up to him in the middle of Hollywood video and pushed him away from her knocking him to the ground and told him to get the fuck out or my face and get his face the fuck off of Molly's face.  He ran out the doors and I stayed to ask molly what the hell was up with that, she came up with some bullshit answers and I just left the store. And guess who was waiting for me outside, Anthony was, and he had a knife in his hand, when he rouse his hand into the air my only reflex was to his wrist knocking the knife out of his hand so he ran away, and that was really the last time I have seen him. So the shit flew between us for a week or so until I finally had enough and told her this wasn’t working out, figure out what you want, correct it, and then call me. Needless to say I didn’t hear from her again for another 6 months. At that time Brandy and I just broke up as b/f-g/f, After a night of drinking we talked about a lot of stuff, she admitted to me that she took advantage of me and was sorry about everything with Anthony and all the other thing she did to me. But my biggest downfall at the time witch I am over now got to the best of me and I forgave her, shortly after wards we wanted to give the relationship another try. But things just didn’t feel the same, we didn’t have that soark we used to have, and her trend of her standing me up for another friend, mainly Heather continued. I just figured it really wasn’t worth it anymore and I would move on cause I know if I continued to date her this would only happen more and more, and I would be hurt every time by her. I still find myself thinking about her here and there, just thinking "What if?” but that chapter in my life is now closed.

I have had some serious problems with relationships in the past, my worst mistake in relationships was Kit, *sigh* that was my first serious relationship, I really don’t have much to say about her but her parents were crack heads, literally were crack heads, they had a lower standard of living, and just everything was not right with it. She was the most ungrateful person, after she got kicked out of her parents house my mom and dad took her in till she finished high school, took car of her, gave her a bed to sleep in, a hot meal on the table everyday and a healthy family lifestyle. For some reason she didn’t like it there so her and I decided to move into a small apartment. My family was sort of supportive of my moving out, but not the part of my moving in with her.  Everything went well for the first few months that we lived there, she had a full time job at Carl's jr. and I had my full time management job at Taco Bell.  So one night I had a surprise when I came home one night, she sister Jamie, her in-law-in-law Jeff and their 4 kids got evicted fro there house and she invited them to move in with her, without consulting me first, I wanted nothing to do with that situation, but finally she convinced me to agree to let them stay for a month till they found their own apt. None of them worked, the kids where a Hugh mess, more messy then normal kids, I needed up cleaning up after them for at least an hour everyday.  One day I just diced I had enough, everyone was gone so I barowed my dads truck and loaded it up and got the hell out of there, i know it was a shitty thing for me to do, but thats the only way i saw my self getting out of that sistuation. things where over and done with with Kit, but after moving away i Jaime and jeff wer eproud of me for getting way from kit cause they knew how big of a bitch she was to me and i would acasinaly go visit them at the old apt. but hanging out with Jeff got me into some more trouble in my life, more then i bargined for, thats when i was intrduces to my new friend, Crystal Methamphedamine.

For a person who had ever done any drug knows it can be a roller coaster of emotions, feeling ans sences with high, I think in the 2 years that i was hooked i raised to the highest peaks and dropped to the lowest flows in my feelings and emotions. It started out as jsut a weekly thing with us, we would get high and stay up all night long. but as any drug addiction goes it will always start out that way, once a weke turned into twice a week, staying up for 2 nights in a row then 3 nights. things really started to become a problem when i met Jason, al ittle punk wanna be drug dealer, he always gave me good deals and never ripped me off so thats why i kept giving him my business. after a few months of smoking it to myself i found out i couldent support my habbit anymore and i needed to do something about it, so i started buying in bulk and selling it top pay for my habbits, i had more so naturally i did more untill i was a point where i was smoking and 8 ball a day of meth (thats about 3.5 grams or $160 worth) a day. Eventually my habbit got to me and i got carried away with it, staying up for 28 day stright with no sleep realyl wears on a person and his mind. I serioulsy started to see things that werent there, i saw shadows in the wall where nothing was there to creat it, things moving, hearing sounds like a door opening and sometime i felt someone touching my shoulder but when i turned around there was no one there. stil lthe wirest thing that still baffels me is one day jeff and i were cleaning outthe stroage room to make into a party room we both heard someone call his name really softly and we both looked at eachother thinking that the other said it but neither of us said a word. One night i got home from parting for a week long binge, i walked in the back door and my parents where there waiting on me to come home so they could confront me, when we sat my down in the kitchen and started to give me the 3rd degree about what i was doing and that they knew what i was dont and for how long, my head started to spin and i started to feel disey, i dident want anyone to know i was feeling that way so i got up and started walking towards my bedroom. I only took 3 or 4 steps until i collapsed on the kitchen floor, nextthink i knew i has 3 peramtics above me with machiones hooked up to me. I had overdose that night. That night i had relized that is was more then jsut a problem for me but a seroius issue that i know i had to fix now. some time went by with fighting this addiction and on Mothers day of 2002 is when i was ready to try something that was recommended to me. I agreed to go into a rehabilitation center to recive more help.

When i entered Sundows M Ranch rehbilitation center in Yakima Washington i dident know what to think of it, this was a whole new enviroemt, i wasent sure of what to expect, i wasent sure of who i would meet and the incounteres that i would have with the counclers and other patients. but they made me feel at home there at the ranch. i recived plently of help and councling for my addictions and i meet a few good people that i was able to relate with well. Everyone there all had one common denaminator, an addiction, wheather it was for Drugs, pot, or alcohol and they issues of those substances where not there to creat an issue. After 28 day at the ranch i graduated and had no intent on using meth ever again in my life, i think what really helped was removing myself from that inviroment. When i got home my sisters Amy had a proposal for me, ifi couldstay clean from i could come down and stay with them for the summer down here in Florida and i would have to watch my nephews over the summer while there where at work.